I’m amazed at how much of my girl’s personality is showing through more and more everyday. In the beginning she was a quiet, very observant little thing. She didn’t cry unless she really needed something and in general was very content. She is still that way and so much more. She is very expressive and uses her little noises to communicate all the time. When she’s ready to get out of bed in the morning she coos or sometimes yells. Never crying, she just yells or screetches to let us know she is ready to get up. She is always so happy when she wakes up. When I open the door to say good morning she already has a big grin across her face. She is very content playing by herself or sitting in her seat watching the animals wrestle. Nothing gets more giggles out of her than her pal, Oliver. As soon as she sees Oliver walk by she starts shaking and laughing with glee. What’s funny is I think Oliver adores her too, though she ends up pulling chunks of his hair out every time he’s within reach.
She is still very observant and tends to be very quiet around other people. She has never minded strangers and will go to anyone. She’s very trusting and seems so confident. She is definitely very determined and energetic too. She’s never been a baby that just sits, she likes to either be looking around and involved with the people around her or exploring all of her toys on the floor.
I feel closer and closer to her the older she gets. When Nevie was a newborn I had a hard time bonding with her. It’s hard to feel close to someone that doesn’t seem to know you exist. But now, knowing I’m one of two people on this earth that makes her happiest creates such a close bond. When she needs me and says, “ma-ma-ma” I feel so needed and important. It’s amazing how someone so small can make up such a huge part of my heart. It’s as if I have another soul mate.
Nevie and her Oliver
Silly girl (Notice her Oliver is always nearby.)
I don’t know how I feel about nursing cover-ups or “hooter hiders“. Neve is an easily distracted nurser. I can’t imagine she’d be able to nurse with a big sheet of fabric on top of her. Maybe it’s worth a try? But then again, it’s not too hard to plan outings around her feeding times.
On that note- without some sort of cover-up, I find public nursing extremely inappropriate. I don’t mind seeing women nurse, because I’m also a nursing mother. But I don’t understand why some women can’t be modest about it for the sake of others that may not feel comfortable around it. Sure it’s a natural thing and there is nothing gross about it, but there are a lot of natural things we do that should not be done in public. I once heard a mother complain that someone had the nerve to ask her to go to the bathroom when she started nursing her child in the middle of a restaurant. She got upset and asked the person if they’d enjoy eating their meal next to a toilet. Really? Is it that big of a deal just to cover up? I’m definitely not sitting at a table sipping my water with my chest exposed. So why shouldn’t I expect the same courtesy? Boobies are boobies, no matter how they are being used. Sure, as nursing women we tend to think of our breasts as nothing but milk utters, but they are still boobies to everyone else. Is it really so bad to practice a little modesty?
Ten hours of labor, forty-five minutes of pushing, and a new life was here. I remember letting out a huge sigh of relief when she came out. It wasn’t out of pain, but more of a release that all my hard work for the past nine months was coming full circle. I have such a huge respect for every mother who has given birth. Nothing can prepare you for that and it takes such strength I never knew I had. God surely designed us perfectly for such a task. Brad was amazing through it all. He would watch the monitor and grab my hand when he saw the contraction increasing. I never felt the need to squeeze his hand in pain, I just wanted him to hold mine so I could feel his touch and support.
When they handed her to me for the first time I felt like such a bad mom. I kept saying in my head, “Where’s the immediate love? Why hasn’t it hit me yet? Is this really happening?” I didn’t have that immediate love I had always heard of. Instead I looked at my daughter and thought, “Who on Earth are you? And why don’t you look like me or Brad?” I thought if she had, I might feel some relation to her. Brad and I spent a few minutes alone with her. We both were in shock. Did we really just produce this little human? I was eager to show her off to all of the family waiting outside the door. I was hoping it would make her more real to me as I watched everyone pass her around. But I was still in shock.
That night after the visitors left, Brad and I sat in the hospital room just staring at our daughter. I remember holding her close to my face as I watched her sleep on my shoulder and it suddenly hit me. This is really MY daughter. It’s like I was suddenly able to relate her to that little thing moving around in my belly. I think I was in shock my entire pregnancy. I couldn’t believe that such a gift could ever be given to me. I can’t imagine living my life without the feeling of carrying a child and giving birth.
Every day I feel closer to my little Nevaeh. The love I have for her and my Brad goes beyond what I thought was humanly possible. The word “love” hardly defines what I feel for them. To God, I am forever thankful.