Charisophia




Cathartic

January 21st, 2011

So much has changed since I last blogged…so in the words of Meg Ryan (circa, before she botoxed her face beyond the point of recognition), “Dear Friend, I like to start my notes to you as if we’re already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we’re the oldest and dearest friends.…”

Jack will be here in about 2 1/2 months. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared. OK, a lot scared. This pregnancy has been so good, but being the pessimist that I am, surely he’s going to be a difficult baby and I’m going to go nuts and have to start prozac or something. I tend to think that if things are going really well now, surely they’re about to get really bad. Thankfully I married an optimist who is good at reminding me, at times like these, when my pessimism is taking over.

I really don’t know what to expect with having two children. Nevie has been the easiest baby from the very start. She was never much of a crier, nursed well, has always been a great sleeper and has always been so sweet and independent. What will this baby be like? Am I going to get so overwhelmed that I fall apart? Am I just giving in to my pessimistic attitude and thinking about the most unlikely of outcomes? In defense of my pessimism, or realistic nature as I like to refer to it, if I prepare for the very worst there won’t be any surprises. If the best of outcomes occurs, I’ll be that much more thankful. See, it makes sense… right?

But then I think, well kids are part nature and part nurture. So perhaps the reason Nevie is who she is, is partly because of our parenting and isn’t entirely just her nature. Or did God give us such an easy baby the first time, because he knew the second would be much harder? See! The pessimistic part of me always seems to trump the little bit of optimism I try to grasp.

What I am (practicing) keeping in my mind, is that no matter who this little person is, I will love him just as much as I love my Nevie. He’s a part of ALL of us. God has given us this little boy for a reason. Who he is and who we are is part of why we’re perfectly matched for one another. Perhaps he’ll be my little “mini-me”, since Nevie is 85% Brad and only about 15% me. To be honest though, I wouldn’t mind another little Brad running around. I quite like those.

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